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3 Reasons How Comparison is Killing Your Confidence

3 Reasons How Comparison is Killing Your Confidence

Summary: Comparison is a downward spiral. It either makes sure that you are stuck in your place not really doing anything, or emulates others in the hopes that you’ll someday be exactly like them. Specifically in this age of social media, it is really difficult to not compare yourself to others. Your title isn’t good enough. Your role isn’t good enough, your compensation isn’t good enough, and your life isn’t good enough. It might even make you feel like you as a person are not  enough. Don’t let the goal of turning into someone else guide you! You are unique. You are enough. You are a star!

  • Keywords :
  • #ExecutivePresence
  • #Power
  • #PersonalBrand
  • #Exclusivity

Confidence is the most essential factor of success, and yet in my coaching senior leaders and CXOs I have realized that the biggest way a leader sabotages  their own confidence is by comparing themselves to other leaders. Sadly, we compare ourselves against our own imagined standard rather than the reality of what we can do or are willing to do next. 

When revealing her new ‘internet-breaking transformation, for her latest album, Billie Eilish actually let go of her signature black and green hair and went back to being herself. Her new album termed ‘Your Power’ talks about the existing power dynamics where certain people exploit others based on disadvantages. She reflects on her own life where she has always tried to be someone she was not. According to her, doing whatever makes you feel good is what it’s about. She wants her fans to not idealize her but be confident in their own selves and skins. Her optimism lets her believe that she can do and undo things on her own terms and so should others[1]. 

Here are 3 major reasons that I think make comparison the quintessential villain in anyone’s life and destroys the exclusivity of a person that portrays confidence:

1. Comparison turns you into an eternal follower

Recently I was coaching an executive who had just been promoted to a C-level position. He felt he lacked confidence, but when I asked him to tell me his career story, he had achieved so much. Rather than acknowledging these successes and being confident, he was discounting them, with some self-defeating humility. Confidence is not thinking we are better than others, it’s knowing that we are working towards the best exclusive version of ourselves. And by constantly comparing yourself with others, you’re only defeating the purpose.

2. Comparison breeds awe and ‘Awe’ can be unhealthy

You see a person, and you think they’re doing really well. Within no time, you’ll be in awe of their exclusivity. A few years back, Harsha Bhogle gave an ‘awe-inspiring’ speech on excellence at IIM- Ahmedabad. One of my favorite things about the speech was when he talked about the 1948 India vs Australia test match. The Indian bowlers, Harsha said, were really excited about bowling to Don Bradman. “They were in awe of bowling to Bradman; how were they ever going to get him out? And they didn’t. And Bradman enjoyed himself.” Awe is bad because it makes you think the other person is exclusive and in comparison you are supposedly unremarkable which pushes you into inaction.

3. Comparison robs you of your hard work

The only worse thing that comparison can do after making you follow others blindly, or make you go numb in awe, gives you a completely false impression. When you compare yourself with others, you only compare the outcomes; you don’t compare the persistence, perseverance, and patience that goes behind every success. Even if you compare the journeys, you would see that not everything can work every single time for every single person. You should define your own brand of success. That is how you will be able to design your own journey, and then work hard towards getting your own exclusivity.

Leadership Impact

Through conscious control of our internal dialogues, we can positively influence our specific confidences by removing external comparisons . Confidence bound in others who are considered experts can also help provide better and more impactful feedback to a group requiring consensus on decision making.  Even Bill Gates acknowledges that though he has been interested in computer software since childhood, he would not have been able to build his empire- Microsoft without self-confidence.

Leadership Mindset

Comparisons rob us of our happiness, our sanity, and even our income. Usually, it takes away any talent we’ve ever felt even slightly proud of experiencing. We can’t afford to indulge in the comparisons that become energy vampires for us and leave us feeling depressed.

Leadership Action Steps

  1. Stop questioning your decisions. Start comparing your actions to previous examples. 
  2. Next time, when you make a mistake, allow yourself to accept it without any resistance to neutralize your inner dialogue.
  3. Schedule time to pause so that you can re-align with your goals.

References

  1. Snapes, L. (2021, May 2). “It’s All About What Makes You Feel Good”: Billie Eilish On New Music, Power Dynamics, And Her Internet-Breaking Transformation. British Vogue. https://www.vogue.co.uk/news/article/billie-eilish-vogue-interview 
  2. Axelrod, R. H. (2016). Leadership and Self-Confidence. Springer Texts in Business and Economics, 297–313. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-31036-7_17 
  3. Zhang, Z., Gao, Y., & Li, Z. (2020). Consensus reaching for social network group decision making by considering leadership and bounded confidence. Knowledge-Based Systems, 204, 106240. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.knosys.2020.106240 
  4. Bregman, P. (2018, July 13). Great Leaders Are Confident, Connected, Committed, and Courageous. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2018/07/great-leaders-are-confident-connected-committed-and-courageous  

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