Breaking Through the Indefinite Loop of Failure

Summary: Failure is a story we tell ourselves and get caught in. The only way out is to realign yourself with what you have learnt and see your story as progressing forward. Making mistakes is a natural part of growing, so make them, and be ready to reinvent yourself again and again!

Whether weâre successful or whether weâve been rejected a lot, the fear of failure is this potent force that seems to punch anyone and everyone in the gut, any time it likes to. How do you keep paving your way through this loop? Hereâs a star leaderâs guide to breaking through that indefinite loop.

I once had a client long back who was both smart and talented. He had a fantastic work record, and was up for a promotion. I remember being really happy for him, feeling that if anyone deserved this promotion – itâs him. But more than anything I remember him being not just not happy, but scared. This was the first one for me! After spending a few sessions with him, I came to understand that the promotion would mean having a managerial position which would require him to show leadership skills, and that is exactly what scared him. Once he became a manager, who would he go to if he failed?

Failure, therefore, I have come to treat not as one-dimensional, but more of a loop. Each individual mistake seems like a bigger and bigger blow, which keeps repeating more frequently. Ironically on the other hand, if we are already satisfied, many mistakes can be seen as incidents rather than a pattern.

So, how do you keep yourself upright through this storm? How do you keep paving your way through this loop?

Understanding Failure as a Construct

Making mistakes, not being able to deliver our best and even disastrous consequences are all specific incidents which happen to everybody. But how do you see this mistake or negative outcome in the bigger context of your personal trajectory? This is the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset.1 A fixed mindset takes the incident as a proof of their lack of capabilities and will say âI canât do this, I have tried it out and it didnât workâ. Growth mindset sees these specific incidents as just natural stepping stones towards developing competence. It suffers, realigns and tries again.

Moving Past Apologizing

Failure is something that happens, is bound to happen, and you are bound to feel bad about it. However, not only do you feel regret, you feel jarred and somehow the regret stays there to bloom further. Part of breaking through is, and I say it in the most positive way possible, to not care.2 Once you have forgiven yourself, you canât still feel regret. You canât hold it over your head and keep reminding yourselfÂ âI failedâ. You realign and you let it go, because it’s just a part and parcel of life.

Integrate your Experiences

You know how they say, a chain (here, loop) is only as strong as its weakest point? The weakest thing about the loop of failure is its constant need for attention. Thatâs what gives it its power. You have a bad experience, and it sticks with you and you build it up in your head. There are times when you have pulled through, impressed yourself and exceeded the expectations of others as well.3 Realign your perspective of how competent you are and what you can do by integrating both the good times and the bad times. Remind yourself of the times you have slayed and replay those moments in your head, not just the ones that have made you freeze up or humiliated.

Impact on Leadership

Resilience is a kind of mental resource which gives the ability to âbounce backâ from facing risks, uncertainties and failures. Our body itself kicks into a state of activation when faced with difficulties, and this activation can be used effectively to produce quality work. What usually happens is that the body remains at a constant state of high activation (or high basal arousal level, as it is called in neuropsychology) and you keep eating up resources, making your body go through extensive wear and tear4.

Star Mindset

Resilience can be achieved by stopping and realigning yourself to be the master of your own reality. This carries you through difficulties instead of leaving you an empty husk for facing it.

3 Immediately Applicable Action Steps

Compartmentalize your day in such a way that when you are over with your work, you can spend some time reconnecting with yourself.
Pay attention to what makes your stress manifest and create a journal or find a way to let it all out.
Set boundaries between your personal and professional lives, and hire a coach to keep you on track.

References

A. Russell, J. E. (2020, December 29). Just Move On: The Best Leaders Own Their Failures And Learn From Them. Forbes. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/joyceearussell/2021/12/29/just-move-on-the-best-leaders-own-their-failures-and-learn-from-them/?sh=75c1289331a2
How to Forgive Yourself and Let go of Regrets – Centerstone. (2022, October 18). Centerstone. Retrieved from https://centerstone.org/our-resources/health-wellness/how-to-forgive-yourself-and-let-go-of-regrets/Â
Â Peterson, Abramson and Stutman. (2020, November 1). How to Develop Your Leadership Style. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2020/11/how-to-develop-your-leadership-styleÂ
Â Bustamante, J. C., Rosell, P., Costumero, V., & Ãvila, C. (2012). Individual differences in the Behavioral Inhibition System are associated with orbitofrontal cortex and precuneus gray matter volume. Cognitive, Affective, & Behavioral Neuroscience, 12(3), 491â498. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13415-012-0099-5

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