You Know Itâs Okay, But Do You Know That Itâs Okay To Not Be Okay?

Summary: Do you recollect a day when everyone seemed super annoying, everything seemed innately stupid, and fun was merely a word in the dictionary? Those are the days when leaders have to be super patient with not just others, but more importantly, with themselves. Leaders ought to learn it is okay to not be okay! Vulnerability is a strength that displays a leader’s warm presence and in fact makes people want to trust.

Faking one’s disposition can take a toll and is not a great way to live. Leaders always find a way to control and shape their general disposition instead of experiencing it. However, a better way to manage is to choose to be kind to yourself. Take a break and remind yourself about what a superb professional you are anyway!Â

Leaders should ideally take care of their mood and themselves before they can actually do something effective at work. To show the dangerous effects of unwieldy emotions at the workplace, Alison Brooks, an Associate Professor at Harvard Business School asks her students to form a pair enacting a client and a supplier renegotiating the terms of a contract. Renegotiation in itself can be a stressful situation, it can lead to change in the terms of an already detailed contract or end up in termination or, very expensively, in court. In this exercise, one of the students in the pair is supposed to show anger. What they find out together as a class is that people are able to show variable amounts of anger, and more anger often leads to tense situations which even last beyond the exercise finishing up! Not to mention, when students are able to show anger best the outcomes of the negotiations are the worst.

Entering into negative loops as illustrated above will only destroy your sense of being put together and be extremely unfair to you as well as others. So how do you behave fairly towards yourself and project an executive presence?

Accept the fact that you're in a bad mood

Being in a bad mood isn’t that bad; what’s worse is, trying to force yourself to be cheerful when you’re clearly not. Itâs about admitting the fact that you are indeed struggling and being okay with it. Not everyday is going to be your ideal state, when you are able to do everything on the checklist and feel on top of the world. But allowing yourself to feel that you are indeed having a tough day takes off the pressure and allows you to recover better and avoid getting tilted further and further

Say it out loud

The other thing you can do is, give others as well as yourself the permission to say it out loud, that you’re not in a great mood. Just telling others about this also has been seen to help people recover much faster, and in the long run, help them stop having as many bad days altogether. Nobody is going to claim itâs unacceptable for you to feel bad and unmotivated here and there. In fact, people would appreciate the fact that you are willing to show vulnerability and actually trust you more!

You can do better, later

While it is a good idea to let people know when you’re not feeling too good, it is also important that you don’t barrage yourself and everyone else with a string of complaints. The point is to allow yourself that one day and trust yourself to be able to move on from it and do better again. People get stuck in negative loops because of a single negative event simply because they cannot forgive themselves for what they are going through right now. So let yourself know that itâs fine to be withdrawn and non-performing today, you can always have a crack at it again soon.

Impact on Leadership

A star leader may be cognizant of the fact that negative emotions can affect workplace presence and should be taken care of. A star leader, however, goes a step forward in realizing that feeling bad or low is actually natural. Research in fact shows that top-quality authenticity is beyond being okay with negative emotions being there and actively admitting that you have weaknesses, needs and are perpetually haunted by the same despairs all of us universally face.

Star Mindset

Keep in mind that it’s acceptable for you to not be okay as a boss or a leader. Furthermore, it is not your responsibility to take on or resolve all the issues. However, it is your responsibility to establish a climate and culture that will allow your team to flourish, even when things aren’t necessarily “good.” Go slowly, make progress gradually, and enjoy your victories.

3 Immediately Applicable Action Steps

Allow yourself 5 days a month where you do not put a lot of effort into work, and are okay with the idea that you are doing less than usual.
Actively voice the fact that you are having a difficult day when it feels so.Â
When you feel that youâre too low someday, plan how you will make up for time lost in the following days.

References

Wood, A. (2015). Emotion and the Art of Negotiation. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2015/12/emotion-and-the-art-of-negotiation
Morris, J. A., Brotheridge, C. M., & Urbanski, J. C. (2005, October 1). Bringing humility to leadership: Antecedents and consequences of leader humility. Sage Journals. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0018726705059929
Diddams, M., & Chang, G. C. (2012, June). Only human: Exploring the nature of weakness in authentic leadership. ScienceDirect. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1048984311002050

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